I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding casual sexual relationships, more specifically the ones 'we' have with our friends. Personally, I think this type of relationship is amazing if you and your 'friend' have a concrete understanding of what your relationship consists of, and what the boundaries are.
I recently was hanging out with friend, and we were make-out buddies. It was nothing serious and I had made myself perfectly clear that I didn't want anything serious. He seemed to understand that. It was becoming clear after a couple of weeks, that he was developing feelings for me, however we kept playing under this facade that this was a no strings attached relationship. That is until I brought someone else home with me in front of him. To say he was upset is an understatement. His pride was definitely hurt, however he made a lot of assumptions about me leaving with someone else that made the situation far worse than it was.
Since this all unfolded, he has attempted to save face and tell me that he didn't really have feelings for me. He wants to continue this no-strings attached relationship, which is great, except that I don't. I don't want to lead someone on that this casual relationship will ever become more serious when I know that something is missing for that to ever happen.
When he asks me why I have tried to explain to him why.
Firstly, we are friends. I am friends with his friends. I am new to Toronto and I like this group of friends and they have been friends for years. I am the newbie to the group. If/when this friends with benefits thing falls apart, I will be the one who loses this group of friends.
I am the only girl in this group of boys. I love it. However, when it comes down to it, I know that they will side with him. I know that I don't want something more with him. I am certain I will be blamed when things don't work out. When I decided I want to spend time with someone else besides him, I know that I will be called a "slut" or a "whore" or whatever because I want to keep my options open. I HATE that if he did the same (hooking up with other women), it'd be okay.
This post really underlines one of the ways in which women and girls are a long, long way from the "equality" position that NOW was so invested in back in 1966. Forget social transformation, here is one place where even everyday basic equality with males is still a distant, distant vision.
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